After a person has died, it is usual for their loved ones to want to commemorate and remember them. In this area as in so many others, things are changing and there are now a whole host of original and thoughtful ways to remember someone dear. Of course, the traditional ways are still popular - a gravestone or plaque at the place of rest. Some Funeral Directors offer an in-house memorial masonry service and will help to create a fitting tribute at the site of burial or interment.
In addition it is increasingly popular for funeral services to include a visual tribute to the deceased and even for the whole service to be professionally filmed. This technology provides a lasting reminder of the family's farewell.
How you choose to commemorate your loved one should be, like the funeral itself, personal to you; what feels right for one person might seem macabre to someone else. Here I offer a range of suggestions that I have seen bring comfort to loved ones.
The majority of funerals are now associated with cremation and crematoria have a range of options. From books of remembrance, to formal monuments for ashes, from wild areas where you can leave flowers to more formal gardens for plaques or stones, there are many options. At Lincoln Crematorium, they have an iron tree to which you can attach a memorial leaf - a striking memorial. Of course, many people choose to scatter the ashes at a place of significance and whilst there are no legal limits on this (beyond access rights), the environmental impact of this should be considered.
In Leicestershire, the popular beauty spot Bradgate Park was attracting a whole host
of items from flowers both artificial and real, to cuddly toys and the decision was made to develop a dedicated Memorial Wood for people use. It is within easy reach of the footpath and provides a contemplative spot, where visitors can sit quietly and reflect. It also houses the Leicestershire memorial to those who served during the Covid-19 pandemic.
Other than scattering, there is a wide range of options for the ashes of our loved ones - of course you can keep them in an urn and today there are some beautiful modern urns available. It doesn’t have to be an urn - I have seen ashes kept in a model caravan. Biodegradable urns are available and you can even have ashes infused into a tree. Some people choose for the ashes to be infused into glass or ceramic ‘stones’ that can then be displayed inside or out. Jewellery is an increasingly popular way to keep the ashes of someone dear to you - rings, pendants, charms and more are all possible. The possibilities grow all the time - sending ashes into the atmosphere in fireworks, scattering by drone and pressing ashes into a vinyl record are all options.
For some, memories are best built by other means and again there are plenty of options to choose from. Online memorial pages provide a lasting tribute to a loved one as well as providing a clear way of raising funds for a cause close to their hearts. A memorial bear is popular - a cuddly toy made using favourite pieces of fabric. You can have a tattoo, perhaps of their writing or fingerprint to create a permanent reminder that is with you at all times. If you are able to prepare for the loss of your relative you can create fingerprint jewellery; I know of one family where each daughter now carries with them a pendant of their beloved mum’s fingerprint.
Planting a tree, shrub or bulbs can be a fitting memorial, perhaps choosing something that will flower at a significant time - their birthday or the anniversary of their death. Scattering wild flowers is a popular choice and many funeral directors will be happy to arrange for packets of seeds to be given out to mourners attending a funeral. Some Funeral Directors organise annual memorial services at which the lives of those departed are remembered, often in conjunction with physical memorial tags and online messages.
Often traditions develop on their own and it’s sometimes not until some time later that you look back and realise that for some years now you have baked their favourite cake, listened to their favourite music or something else on an anniversary. However they arise, whether deliberately chosen or organically grown, rituals serve us well - they connect us to those we miss and help us to navigate the future. I recently saw this on social media - “Be the thing you miss about your loved one” and love this idea; if you miss their kindness, be kind. If you miss your loved one’s gentleness, live your life gently. What better way is there to honour someone than allowing them to inspire you to be the best you can be?
By Catrina Young, Leicestershire Heart-led celebrant, Marking Life’s Moments.
© Hardingstone Ceremonies, December, 2024
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